This is punishment

As I sit here in this tiny room,
the walls close in around me as I search for my escape,
suffocated by addiction,
the struggle within myself tears me apart,
How do i fight what I so desperately seek?
especially when I feel so weak?
an invisible enemy,
and yet my best friend,
These contradictions make no sense,
but i guess this is punishment,

I can't stand up, I have no strength,
weakness another symptom of my addiction,
my inability to succeed, leads to more desperation,
more urgency in my need to take away the pain,
I've tried everything but the agony remains and so does my addiction,

How can I fight an invisible enemy? and my best friend?
These contradictions make no sense,
I guess this is punishment.