The Key to Immortality (...Even when I am Gone)

by IdTakeABulletForYou   Mar 26, 2007


If I died this very second
I would leave these words behind
To anyone who'd hear me out;
to learn a lesson of the kind.

I'm writing this in fear of death,
In fear of breathing my last breath.
I do not want to leave unless
Somebody reassures me that
Not too long after I'll come back.

I'm trying to refrain from tears;
to keep a status through the years.
I feel I must escape my fears;
I have to find a place where I
assuredly will never die.

I don't want to be left behind.
I want to live for all of time.
The thought that lingers in my mind
--that sense of blackness eternally--
...It scares the hell right outta me.

I'm fine inside my cozy home,
Cooped up, and sitting all alone;
with noise and light from windows shone.
I could just sit and watch re-runs
of Will & Grace, or Friends, or Scrubs.

I fear to leave each second knowing,
Every one means life is going
-- can't you see, my fear is showing...
[Claustrophobic to the death
don't want to be in a casket]

I see me years from now in pain
As life begins to slip away;
me wishing I could live again,
Knowing full well I cannot
--that in my grave I'm gonna rot.

The Left Turn | Right Turn,
I try to discern
Which choice is better
--and which is worse.

The truth's that there is not a key
that opens immortality.
We die-- it all is meant to be;
It's humans fate to live, then die.
A little early, however... I still say goodbye.

{Please do not let me be forgotten.
In the grave, while I am rotting,
read these words, then pass them on
so that my presence will stay strong
--Even when I am gone...}

Please comment and vote honestly, I'd appreciate any feedback.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Nick who Plays Pool

    5/5 and I'm loving your poems so far :)

  • 17 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    Honestly I'm sorry to say it's not my type. To me it felt like it was jumping from style to style...the "voice" if you like behind the words seemed inconsistant to me. Maybe it was because of the length and amount of changes in subject.
    I can read rhyme, but rarely appreciate it so that was another reason why PERSONALLY it wasn't for me. Some rhymes seems a tad erm...clumsy. Maybe you want to change the slang words to proper English???
    Liked the reference to the TV shows; made it more personal.
    Sorry I couldn't be more positive.
    Keep writing.

  • 17 years ago

    by Darien

    I thought this was a terrific poem. I really enjoyed the rhymes and the message you had to say. The flow was great and everything about this poem was good. There were a few lines that I had to re-read, and I could suggest some alternate lines, but it's up to you if you want to.

    "to learn a lesson of the kind."
    ['the' really throws that line of, maybe try using 'that' instead]

    "I'm writing this in fear of death,
    In fear of breathing my last breath."
    [You used 'in fear' in both the lines and it makes it a bit weak. Maybe try taking out the 'In' in the second line?]

    "me wishing I could live again,"
    [Try using 'I'm' or 'I am' instead of 'me']

    That's all I could suggest, the rest of the poem was amazing. I hope you can win the Weekly Contest with this one. I shall vote for you :)

  • 17 years ago

    by BeautifulDisaster

    I liked the flow & the wording but i couldnt really get into the poem

  • 17 years ago

    by KaKaSHi

    Wow...a 5/5 from me....amazing...really
    i loved this [Claustrophobic to the death
    don't want to be in a casket]
    though im not afraid of death....hehe...i dont welcome it either....
    im a muslim...we dont get buried in caskets :P (convert!:P)

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