My Heart Won't Go On Over a Sea of Lies
by The Lonely Rose Mar 27, 2007
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The lies you spread out to world. |
Did You Like This Poem?
Latest Comments
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17 years ago
The variety in the stanzas was the first thing I noticed about this poem. Very creative, but not so overly done that it takes away from the poem itself.
As for the meaning, I did not enjoy that quite as much as the unique method of writing you've used. I do respect the meaning of this poem, and you've written it well, though, so 5/5. -
17 years ago
by Jessica
The lies you spread out to world.
^ I think you need to add in "the" before "world"
And a new one is born.
^ It should be "was" not "is"
I disappear..period..
^ I don't think you should use the word "period" it doesn't sound to great here. It's better to be used like this in converstaion not really poetry.
My heart got torn into pieces.
^ I think you should replace "got" with "was"
I'm sitting here crying about a boy who's changed in a man within a short time.
^ THis didn't really sound right to me, maybe you could change it around a bit.
This was a very emotional poem and I could tell it came straight from the heart. But I felt that some of your sentence structures were a bit off and the flow didn't work too well in some places. I would try and work on that as well as using a broader vocabulary. Nice job though hunny 4/5
P.S. Palpitations are like your heart beating very quickly like if you are scared or something =P
