Eternal Bliss

I honestly think you should take out the last stanza completely and leave the second to last stanza /as/ the last stanza. If that makes sense. It'd make such a more beautiful ending.

Anyways, the topic is a bit cliche, but you wrote well not to make it cliche. I liked it, espically the second to last stanza.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

Thanks for your comments--I have edited my poems as per the suggestions made--please let me know how they read now!!

I loved this poem...I always find it difficult to write about love and not break into utter 'cliche' mode. as someone said above, you do a great job of describing a lot with a little...I smiled while reading this poem!!

Thanks again,
*ilona*

That was a very sweet and heartwarming write. I love poems that I can relate to...and meeting my fiance as a teenager, I can.
I loved all the cute descriptions and images (yes they're overused, but they worked.)
You managed to write a love poem and not make me roll my eyes; congrats. I'd still suggest trying to keep away from words like "love" "hearts" "kiss" "life" "death"
I'm not sure if I read it right, but by saying "death" are you suggesting they're now older and passing away from old age perhaps...if so maybe you could make it more aparent in the end. If not...maybe you should choose another word instead of death...
I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

OH and thanks for the lovely comments on my poems. I'm very flattered by the very positive words you left for me. Sometime by abstact minds gets in the way though; I get too many abstract thoughts at once and end up with a jumble lol.
I still have the site yes...:):) thanks for paying interest.
Take care,
Silver J

Very very good
loved the way you discribed everything with not many words...

keep it up!
you really got the talent...
Thanks for the comments on my poems! :)

Awesome poem. a lot of feeling

your servant:
david