by last_petal Mar 28, 2007
category :
Sadness, depression /
grieving, loss
Never let your tear fall |
The stanzas seem messed up. You need to work on your rhyming, and keep your patterns together. If you need a change in the pattern, make it dramatic. It was draw attention, and tell the reader, 'i'm doing something different now' Your wording might need a little work too, but it was nice. |
Very cool. though its hard to keep the rythem in the 3 stanza, i think one too many syllables in the second line. but held it very well. this rythem and repetition of last line in verse gives it a song like quality that adds to the momentum of the poem. like i sed very cool. and only 14? thats impressive. |