The feelings are really got you feel and i liked it,but it's just advice that it would be better to read if you make it as shorter lines,i hope you understand what i mean,welcome to poerty Philip
Good job
Laura

I liked the idea of the poem, but maybe you could try choosing a poetry form to write in, instead of the huge paragraph. Punctuation helps make it easier to read to and that can help with what people think of the flow when they read it. Overall good first poem.