This is a completely new feeling to me
I knew what it was to fear being hurt
but now i know what it is to fear of believing
i loved you with my entire soul
and i thought the feeling was mutual
i showed you the passion and desire
that lived within my soul
only for you
I only wanted to be with you
no one else was for me
you looked at me and told me you cared
you said you wanted to be with no one but me
i drank up the comfort that poured out of your mouth
those words calmed my soul
and made my heart soar
but my gut was so tense
it was an uneasy feeling
your heart soaring away
your gut anchoring you firmly to the ground
being pulled apart from the inside.
i should have pulled my heart back down
and let my gut keep me grounded
but that wasn't what i wanted
i kept letting my heart soar,
while my heart latched tighter and deeper to the ground
i tore myself apart
over you
the more you said them,
the less i believe the words you spoke
my heart grew hard and heavy and the soaring wasn't soaring anymore
it was a lot closer to a struggle to stay a flight
clumsy and distraught
and my gut kept tugging it down
I'd lay awake at night, praying it wasn't so
praying we'd make it thought
I don't remember how many nights I cried myself to sleep.
Then i got the message from her.
Yes, i knew she still loved you
but i also knew she, like i,
just wanted to know what was the truth of the situation
i came clean about the relationship we had shared.
then she told me the cold hard facts
facts you hadn't just kept from me, you had consciously lied about.
i lost my ability to trust in people that day.
lost all chances at opening my heart to another.
and it was because of you
now i know what it's like
not to fear being hurt
but to fear believing people.
