Nothing.

by LockedInEternity   Mar 30, 2007


Nothing but the shadow,
of a once so joyous soul.
The fee of happiness had come,
It was time to pay her toll.

Nothing but sheer weakness,
She cries when no ones there.
Her eyes are fixed in distant glance,
Just far enough for them to care.

Nothing but an empty glass,
That's been dropped on the floor.
Each piece has scattered to its place,
Looking for hells' heavy door.

Nothing but a forlorn girl,
A hermit with no shell.
Looking for her happy place,
Looking for someone to tell.

A burden of enormous problems,
All collapsed at boney feet.
She remembers when she held them,
But now she can scarcely compete.

A child lost in the doldrums.
A woman possessed.
Taken by nothing,
To the ravens weary nest.

Provoked by piercing glares,
Stray thoughts controlled her mind.
Abandoning the world,
Or was it leaving her behind?

She felt as nothing but a shadow.
When everyone could really see.
Ignoring her calls of avail,
Lacking in their sympathy.

And there, from pure imagination,
She saw herself turn clear.
She would never overcome this.
It was by far her greatest fear.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Paiger

    Very insiteful, I love this stanza :

    "Provoked by piercing glares,
    Stray thoughts controlled her mind.
    Abandoning the world,
    Or was it leaving her behind?"

    You paint such a clear picture that I can literally see a girl flinching when people talk to her before she sees them, thinking that everyone is looking at her, and thinking about the most random things getting herself all worked up.

    Great use of words and analogies, very beautiful, :)

    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Teria

    Wow, this is probably my favorite of the ones I've read so far. It's amazingly written, and the flow is flawless. The Emotion - wow. It's just perfection. Like, amazing. No lie.

    " And there, from pure imagination,
    She saw herself turn clear.
    She would never overcome this.
    It was by far her greatest fear"

    ^^ My favorite stanza.

    And, you did a wonderful job with the adjectives, they really stuck out, such as; hermit, boney, wreary, and etc.

  • 18 years ago

    by Startle Me

    You like to write a lot of quantity of stanzas on your poems, don't you?
    Sometimes, people get overwhelmed.
    For example, me.
    I'm not really quite enjoying reading that much of your poems because
    They're too long.
    Maybe you could sum up the main ideas of your story, y'know?
    Make it... shorter.
    I'm sorry for whining.
    It's just how I see it.

    Your poem?
    It's alright.
    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    ''Provoked by piercing glares,
    Stray thoughts controlled her mind.
    Abandoning the world,
    Or was it leaving her behind?''

    I LOVE that stanza...it hit me hard and I thought it was very gripping.
    The opening of this was beautiful, very powerful and dragged the reader right in, with it getting better from there.

    I thought the flow was good for the most part, but at times it did seem a little off.
    Apart from that however, I think you did a great job with this.

  • 18 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    The first and fourth stanzas were my favorite. The first one was powerful and the fourth one because I can relate to it.
    The burdens of life...Some fear to live yet also fear death.

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