My fallen angel
by jason Mar 30, 2007
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There is a woman that i know with hair as bright as a summers day her eyes as brown as mother earth her lips as soft as a velvet red rose her skin as smooth as milk and soft as silk who is this woman this goddess of my life she is my dark beautiful fallen angel a woman witch i will love till the end of eternity her name is joc the woman of my dreams when i am in her arms i feel safe and cared for when i look into her eyes i am lost in a pool of a passionate love |
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Latest Comments
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18 years ago
by amanda flood
Hi jason
i think your poem was great
i would love for my fella
to feel that way about me very nice5-5 -
18 years ago
NO OFFENSE DMG but i thought the poem was great he is talking about the girl he loves so why are you going to throw him that stuff you just said? this is his first poem on this site give Jason a break. it sounds to me like you are too hard on him. plus i agree with Jase if you don't like it quit reading his poems.(back up for Jason)
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18 years ago
by jason
Scrw u i write how i want if u don't like it i will take it to a site that will except it
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18 years ago
by DMG
This is your first poem posted on this site, so here are some critiques for this poem that you should also use for any upcoming poetry you write:
1. Structure - Poetry is beauty in words, but by human nature, we first judge with our eyes. The visual structure of a poem is important to capture the reader's eye and interest. "My Fallen Angel" is rather confusing because there is no structure or punctuation, it is just one run on sentence. But by writing the poem in stanzas it could be much more visually appealing as well and understandable and readable.
2. Spelling & Grammar - Unless you mean for your poem to be a nonsense poem, spelling and grammar are key. Correct use of the english language (or whichever language the poem is written in) adds a sense of intellect to the poem and again, like with structure, is more appealing to the reader. With incorrect grammar and spelling, the reader may become negatively biased toward the poet and may therefore lose interest in the poem and may grow frustrated with the poem. Some issues with "My Fallen Angel" include the misuse of the word "witch" (should be "which) and the absence of an apostrophe in "summer's".
3. Originality - Yes poetry is an expression of one's self, but try to develop that expression in a unique and original way. Poet's find greatness in originality - create a voice for yourself in your poems. "My Fallen Angel" is rather cliche with phrases such as "bright as a summer[']s day" and "lips as soft as velvet." Try to find a different way to say things so they are not just another cliche line in a cliche poem.
I hope you consider the above and good luck in your growth as a writer.
