The right words to use

As I try to find the right words to use
To put in this empty notebook
My mind cluttered with memories
That I wish to never linger again

So many bad times I've had
That outweighed the good I've done
How some make my heart tremble so
While others still clutch at my throat

How I seen such better days
Like just watching the sun set upon my rooftop
And other moments that could've lasted forever
But now resides in the pit of my mind

The raw feelings of love and affection I once had
For one who I've shown to the world how much I care
And to have this tremendous pain and sorrow
Just by hearing simple words like "I don't love you"

To go from the highest pedestal
and can see all across the land
to fall to the very bottom
where I'm left blind and deaf

I even risked my life for love once again
Worked through all the blood, sweat, and tears
To do everything for the name of "us"
and still watch her walk off with another man

I've worked this body to its limit
For something I have strived to achieve
But to hear "it's wasn't good enough"
and given to someone less deserving

I'm growing older and more distant
Holding the right to be more than pissed at this world
Growing impatient and coldhearted
Wanting a reason not to kick someone's head in

I've noticed that my eyes grew colder
Replacing my happiness with an icy stare
Eyes that left me in too many fights to handle
To many bruises and scars to bear

To find comfort down the end of every bottle
While trying not to go insane
Holding on to what's left of my former self
And just hoping for the best

Now all I do is work everyday
No more time for sunsets
This body is tired and weary
and this mind is nearly gone

So here I am, in the middle of the night
Trying to find the right words to use
Drowning myself in music
While trying to bear all these dead memories.

*update*
Thanks to undying blusher for her helpful comments on my grammer mistakes

I found this old poem in one my notebooks.
what a fool I was, to do what I've done.
*sighs* To repent is a hard thing to do I guess...
comment and vote please.