Second stanza.
"While other still clutch at my throat"
*others

Third.
"How I seen such better days
Like just watching the sun set upon my rooftop
And other moments that could of last forever
But now resides the in the pit of my mind"

*How I (have?) seen...
***And other moments that could ('ve or have) last(ed) forever
****But now (reside) [remove "the"?] in the pit of my mind

11th stanza.
"Now all I do is work everyday
No more time for sunsets
This body is tired and weary
and this mind is neary gone"
*nearly

....

By the fourth stanza, I was teary eyed.
Beautiful.
Naturally....

x
blush

...I'm helpful!

>.<