Comments : You Were So Innocent Then

  • 17 years ago

    by Stephanie

    Awww....
    That was sad & sweet at the same time. Quite heartbreaking at times.... =[ The flow was flawless & you had great word usage. Wonderful job, keep it up! 5/5

    Stephanie Lynn .+.

  • 17 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    Hye,
    First of all thank you for your comment, i think ill revise it later on today...
    ANywyas i really enjoyed this poem,the repititon of

    "If only we were warned, right there and then...
    Oh Brother, you were so innocent then"

    In the first two stanza's and then;

    "I miss the old days, when you were only ten
    Oh Brother, you were so innocent then"

    Both of the rpeitions worked brilliantly. It made the allready good flow even better. The enotions youve displayed were really great. I liked how you said all the different ages and how the brother has changed over time. The hryming was ok, and it had a steady rhythem. I thought oyu hsould of used more punctuation in more places but maybe thats just me. SO yeah a great read and keep them up! xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    This was so sad...and yet so beautifully, movingly written.
    The repetition worked very well in this, the flow was great throughout and the imagery used worked well.

  • 17 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    I love the story in this poem! well written! and again! it flowed well! good job! I can relate in this poem too.. it's so sad but beautiful! TC :)