A baby gone a year today.

How easy it is to know how special you are today,
a life that had a soul, beautiful baby in the making...
how clear is is to me now, that fateful morning,
it was both yours and my life that i was taking...
why is it that i had to lose you,
to know that i was truly blessed?
to have you torn of a life,
from a womb that i possessed?
all that i know now, and all that i am still learning,
right for some maybe, but certainly not for me...
how i layed there wanting to scream aloud,
PLEASE, DON'T TAKE MY BABY!
but weak and alone and scared,
wanting strength so bad, i accepted defeat,
she held my hand, and i cried my heart out,
as a stranger sat by my feet.
i knew there was no turning back now.....
how did i let myself get here, in this place, on this table?
in this gown, tears running down my cheeks, my legs spread...
letting this person hurt me, hurting myself and my baby,
how at that moment, i wanted nothing other than to be dead.
but soon it was over,
and i remember thinking that it couldn't be
three months of carrying a child,
was suddenly, forever, taken away from me.
a baby with a heartbeat,
my baby with a heartbeat, my little boy or girl, my precious child that grew inside of me for three months, my creation, my life....
gone.
today that baby has no parents, nobody to love them,
that baby has no name,
a baby that has been gone for a year today,
a baby that would seven months old today.

that baby is my baby.
mommy is so sorry.
march 11th, 2006 - 12 weeks and 1 day.
"...life is just not the same."