First thing.
I loved the different style, well done.

"With strings attached and soft whispered words,"

The opening line is what got to me.
I know its gotta be 9 syllables but the length put off the flow for me.
All the other stanzas started off so easy to read but that one being the most important I think should try flow a little steadier. If thats even the word =P
I suggest putting a word before the strings instead of whispered.
Something like "with thin strings attached and whispered words"
It just makes the end of the sentence more sudden. Or something I dunno.
I think the "soft whispered words" lengthens it.

I re-read the poem a few times because I really did enjoy it.
Straight away I noticed the repetition of "eternal kiss" but on the third read I only noticed how its the same words rearranged in two different sentences.
I thought this was great.
Never seen it before, it really made me look over the poem again and stilll enjoy it.

Well done. =]

This is one of the better ones that i've read on here. you write in the same style as me. i reeeeally like this. you have a way with words

I like this style of writing. And you done a good job with it. It was beautifully written.
I loved it.

Keep it up 5/5

:Sarah:

You use "I" an awful lot. It takes away from your talent. Watch that.

Your poems follow most of the same themes.

4/5

I love how you are able to write in a variety of forms and styles. And not only that but you write them well. The rhythm and flow are great and the passion is breathtaking. Another brilliant write. 5/5

I'm just amazed at the different types of styles you use. I do think you may of used "I" a few to many times throughout this poem it kind of through me off a little but when you writing something in first person you must you "I" so i really do understand that. I thought the flow come off to be quite amazing to tell you the truth. I found this poem to be beautifully penned. Well done Sheena. ~mel