Open Doors

I'm at a loss of words
I don't know how to start
Can I possibly find a way that won't tear apart my heart
I'm feeling so destructive
And my knees are growing weak,
I'm heading toward that door again that just won't let me be

Somethings on the other side
Is it faith or is it fear
All I know is it's ripping my flesh with every breath and every tear
My mind can't decide,
And my heart screams to give in,
I'm reaching for the handle so this noise and pain will end,

I'm finally at the door
My fingers touch cold steel
I feel a rush of panic that only love can make you feel,
I'm trying to let go
I'm trying to turn away
But I can't because I've started falling back to yesterday

The door cracks open,
What a noise it makes
It sounds like everything and anything that you could possibly hate
I try to close my eyes
My fingers start to bleed
I look toward that open door, and what I see I don't believe

I see myself but as a child
She's screaming help me please
I'm not sure what to say or do but it brings me to my knees
I know what I must do right now
I know why you need help
But I'm lost small one, I can't go back, I knew just how she felt

She reached out her tiny hand
She took hold of mine and cried
I'll help you find your way again, it'll be ok she lied
But then I thought about it
And started to realize
She was the center of my problem, I could see it in her eyes

She held all those memories
She held all those fears
Everything I've been buiding up over my early years
I let go of her hand
She looked at me in fright
It'll be ok I said, it's all going to end tonight

I screamed out to no one
But everyone it seems
The sound was painful, my throat went soar, but I knew they heard my screams,
It's not ok, the things you do
I worry every day
I love you and I don't like it that these are things i have to say

The room went dark the silence was mine
My broken heart quit beating
I felt like I had died that day, but somehow I was still breathing
I did it, it's over
I let go of this pain
I'll never forget, but it won't ever be a problem of mine again.