Unsteady

by TamborineMan   Apr 4, 2007


'If all goes well he won't come home tonight.'
unsharpened knife, unprepared for the fight
my concentration broke as she came into view
my will shattered against her, the untrue

perhaps a day will come, to make amends
to the road, my unsettled mind attends
tired head settles against dusty earth
she breaks my frail love against winter's hearth

hope, but shaken body leaves no room for repose
further down the cold river, new life flows
day tortures me still, as it must surely bring night
follow the water as blind follow sight

by mountain's shadow, the river wanes
fragile hope lies beyond my heart's pain
I climb the peak, hoping for a spring view
my will shattered against her the untrue

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by AllHailTheHeartbreaker

    Beautiful use with words here. excellent writing, keep it up!

    (i especially loved the last stanza.)

    [tragic]

  • 17 years ago

    by Mr M

    Well, this is written quite well. Good style and form but I'm not picking upon the point or what the subject really is. A little confusing to me.

  • 17 years ago

    by KeyxMashingxParody

    That was so beautiful the wording and flow was flawless. 5/5!

    -Liz- <3

  • 17 years ago

    by Fsams

    Wow what a great sad poem. I loed the way you have revised it and written if flawlessly. Great word choice. Loved the style and the message 5/5 all the way

    Both lexically and poetically strong
    Fsams

  • 17 years ago

    by Kaila

    Very good rhyming
    I loved the flow
    Your vocabulary was strong
    imagery was good
    it painted a picture in my mind
    wonderful job
    5/5

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