She Drowns the Rain

"Yesterday she felt the cooling water
Spritz from the sapphire sky
It fell upon her unkempt head
It made her seemingly deny"

amazing use of sapphire element to describe the purity and coolness of the rain. i can picture your wet uncombed hair embracing your face with sadness. beautiful imagery.

"Her problems turned into friends
And helpful thing to foe
She waited in the down pouring showers
To watch her mental strength grow"

i can sense the liberating feeling and power behind this glorious shower you speak of.

"As the heavens open up before her
She feels the pain
And as the dark black skies embrace her body
She drowns the rain"

i enjoy the contrast here between heaven and hell. i can see the dark side of it desolate and deprived.

"The hurt she feels inside
Cannot be described with mere thoughts
Even from the most experienced poet's pen
As the showers tame the drought"

The last line seems a bit contradictory to me. i dk, maybe i'm reading it incorrectly. i was still envisioning the drought taming the showers instead.

"Her life encompasses hatred
More sinister than the rain
The water falls upon her head
As her thoughts she tries to maintain"

here i definitely feel the intensity of the hatred, crashing and weighing heavier than the evil rain. the last two lines brings back to memory the first stanza.

the only part i don't agree with is the repetition in the last stanza. it was a bit of a turn off. i think you should change it up and create a whole new last stanza. just my opinion. overall, i was manificently impressed. brilliant write as all of your other pieces. 5/5 :)

Great poem, very detailed, love the vocab in this one.

keep writing

I really liked your choice of words, like they were sometimes complex, but not so much they made me pull out a dictionary, so I liked that. The flow was off for me, but maybe that's just my style.

I really thought that a lot of emotions were put into this, and you obviously have talent. 5/5
Caitlin =)

A very great dark poem... the flow was good, the word choice was good, and the concept was excellent! 5/5

The poem started off well with good detail through imagery and other poetic techniques, although it seemed like you somehow lost track of the flow. "It made her seemingly deny" - for some reason, this line either didn't make sense or appeal to me. Perhaps if you implemented the correct and appropriate grammar, you could enhance the written and reading quality of the poem. It's clear you understand how to form a good storyline to a poem, which is a positive sign for future writing skills and comprehending Literature. All I'd say is try to keep the wording simple, but do it in a way where you effectively use the poetic elements.

All in all, a well written piece.