Ok this poem i found to be pretty cliche from the first stanza i could predict what was going to happen throughout it. You word choice seemed to be too commen and it didnt have any emotions or feelings throughout it. I couldnt picture any imagery at all. Dear im sure you could fix this up a bit do not take what i have said to offence try to describe how this girl had felt what she had done and it would make this poem much better. I think you have it in you to do it. So try it and then tell me to re-read it ok. ~mel

Wow, i really appreciated your poem... it flows well and the reader gets really into it! good job

I enjoyed it. I loved the beat it had while I was reading it

I kinda agree with ItEndsWithUandMe. It truly had potential, but with only 4 stanza's, it ended abruptly and made me more confused than satisfied. Even though your vocab is strong and you can make a well structured sentence. It didn't feel like it was conveyed right. More discription would be sufficient and you should give more thought into the tone. The presentation was good and you have alot of potential. It's just that readers will think that it's some random emo death poem than a tragic end of a young girl's life due to true heartbreak. Just remember, you are telling a story, write from the heart and add more stanza's and you'll do just fine. ^_^x

Awe! that is so sad. i can almost relate....except....i'm not dead of course.

xo kisses xo

Thanks everyone for your comments and criticism!

Wow....amazing poem...the description is amazing
i really like this stanza
A lust was brought between
A razor and a wrist
The meet together
In such joyous harmony

good u didnt bind urself with a rhyming poem...good work...a 5/5 from me
(do any 3 of mine)

I really liked how you went beyond the whole need to rhyme in this piece and it was a very good poem, eloquent language, although to be honest I personally did not enjoy the message at the very end "her lover is to blame" but of course that is my personal opinion. Good work though!

~jas~