As She

by skynerraw   Apr 8, 2007


Its midnight bliss
As she waits for the kiss
He smiles at her
As her eyes start to blur

He leans in
As she anticipates his touch
He pulls back
As she begs for so much

He says are you sure
As she nods her head
He stares into her eyes
As she thinks of what she read

He hesitates before moving in
As she waits for the rhythm to begin
He pulls back and sighs
As she started to feel pressure pushed on her thighs

He says its too much
As she gave up on his touch
He moves as she pushes by
As she has tears in her eyes

He tries to say sorry
As she says it wasn't meant to be
He says if she leaves she'll pay
As she waves and walks away

*-Sky-*

Ok this poem is really weird and the flow is off I think in a couple places, but can you pleace r/r/c and help me fix it? Thanks!

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Ok, The flows off in this poem mainly because some of your lines are shorter and some are longer making the syllable count off. If you made the lines have a similar amount of syllables throughout it then it would flow more evenly. Hope that helps you a little bit. Well done though~mel