The opening really captured me.
I loved this poem. Its full of emotions and situations I know all to well.

Your rhyme was perfect and the change of rhyme at the end really made the ending soft and tragic. I loved it.

Your word use wasgreat, it was simple yet intelligent. The poem felt like it came out easy and wasn't forced which is the best thing about good poetry.

Well done :]

"We're all choking on our smiles"

That line was outstanding! The whole poem was excellent, it flowed so fluidly over the tongue..
Well done
5/5
*Gem*

(And yeah, considering that poem was for a contest with a Fall Out Boy theme, it had to have traits of them in it =)

Love love love. And how this was less than 5...less than 4 at that was beyond me. Really was. This held a lot of emotion and it was very well written. I did think, however, that you could make the ending a little stronger. The whole poem was so strong, and than at the end..it was kind of weak..not weak..but not as strong as the rest of the poem, if you get what I'm saying? And another thing..the lines..

"As we caress ourselves in lonely lies
As you're lost inside my empty stare."

^^ The "as" is repetitious, and it sounds a bit off. Maybe if it was something like, "As we caress ourselves in lonely lies, you become lost in my empty stare" or you are lost in my empty stare, I dunno something like that. Don't get me wrong, it is good how it is, but I think it could be better without that repetition.

"In actuality you're worthless
Now that's a tragic trait we share
We're all choking on our smiles
As we breathe in polluted air
In retrospect, We've fallen...
but we act like we don't care"

^^ Now those lines, they were amazing. I mean it, don't change anything about them. Haha, I really did love those lines, they were, well, amazing. =)

5.5