Is it so much to ask?

I feel the tears...
The heartache...
All that pain...
It's surfacing again....
Begging...
Pleading...
Screaming...
It wants relief...
My skin wants to feel the pressure of the blade....
My nerves want to feel the skin splitting...
My eyes want to see the blood...
My stomach wants there to be calm....
My hands want to stop itching...
My mind wants the thoughts to be gone...
My heart wants to be refreshed...
And my emotions want to be released...
There are tears,
I want to be gone,
And pain I don't want to feel.
It's there,
Welling up inside,
And I don't know how to release it.
I swore I wouldnt cut again,
I told myself I didn't need it anymore,
But yet here I am,
Wishing and wanting to pull my blade across my skin.
I want to let all of the bad out,
I want these thoughts gone,
I want to be able to breath again.
I want to be healthy,
I want to be sane,
I want to be normal,
I want to be happy,
I just want to be me again!!!!!!!
Is that so much to ask........

*i was crying when i wrote the end of this poem.. its raw emotion, so please be kind when commenting*