Her Once Upon a Time

by KeyxMashingxParody   Apr 9, 2007


Bells from the church,
Ring slow and loud.
People gather to the grave,
Family members crowd.

A little girl dressed in black,
Cries as the pastor speaks.
Remembering the death,
Makes her heart grow weak.

As she holds her chest,
She feels her heart slow down.
She shakes in confusion,
She shatters to the ground.

Time stands still in seconds,
As broken glass reflects the scene.
Her little body shattered and broken,
Yet her heart still urges beats.

In her mind it churns,
The memories she hates.
Seeing each fight over again,
Remembering each fate.

She always saw it coming,
Her mother ten feet under.
She saw the lightning beforehand,
She predicted the thunder.

Her father always beating,
Her mother falling hard.
She knew this day would come,
After every tarot card.

The scene moves once again,
The little girl in black.
The lies she had to tell,
Her mother dying of a heart attack.

Her father made her lie,
On every sentence she said.
He threatened her own life,
He said he'd beat her dead.

This little girl in black,
This child only nine.
Lives with her loving father...
In her Once upon a Time.

-Liz-

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Rose not your average

    This was beautifully done! its flow was great, nice use of words another 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by AmberSherrellxxIve Been Sitting Here Trying To Find Myselfxx

    That was utterly amazing.I love this poem.It flowed smoothly and I could feel that little girls pain.Keep it up!5/5

    <3Amber

  • 17 years ago

    by lisa

    BEautiful and very sad!! good imagery and great flow.5/5 keep it up

  • 17 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    WOW WOW!! Awesome poem! very powerful! good job! keep up the good work! I'll give it a 5/5! TC!

  • 17 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Time stands still in seconds,

    Love that line, Dear.

    Well, the first stanza's were sketchy. It was hard to get in the flow of the poem.

    "Bells from the church,
    Ring slow and loud.
    People gather to the grave,
    Family members crowd. "

    The syllabication in this verse is off. I suggest you consult your syllable hand and recheck it.

    "She always saw it coming,
    Her mother ten feet under.
    She saw the lightning beforehand,
    She predicted the thunder. "

    Ingenius verse, but It feels as if you could have worked that verse so well, but in the end it was sort of awe-striking and awful at the same time.

    "In her Once upon a Time. "

    Beautiful last line, and the problem with it though is that people actually notice grammar, so I suggest that you change it to
    "In her Once upon a Time..."
    Just to leave the open ended-ness. On the other hand, you could dedicate the/a second to last verses explaining that her once upon a time would be to have her mother back in life and everything back to normal.

    Overall, well written poem. I shall give it a 5/5.

    Good job,

    ~Stephen White

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