by Mezmeryz Apr 11, 2007
category :
Life, society /
inspirational
She lies down gently on the bed, |
by tyanna
There was so much emtion in this poem!! So very sad.. |
So sad but so true. |
"She is corrected by her carer" I wasnt really sure what that was supposed to mean so it kinda threw me off the poem. I really liked the message of this poem it was beautiful the only thing I didnt like to much was the rhyme scheme sometime it rhymed sometimes it didnt some times it rhymed differently, it kind of made it look like you hade 3 different styles in one. And as powerful as the last line was I think that it needs to be a little bit longer in order for it to flow better with the poem as a whole. I really liked the metaphores in this one nice work. just a few things to work on but other than that it was really good. |
by lostlllsoul
Mez girl!! i loved it! |
Amazing poem. Very touching. You did a great job in writing it. Keep up the good work!! |