Breakdown

by Raychil   Apr 11, 2007


My emotions gone cold
And blackened my heart
It's all a mess
And I fell apart

I already get it
I'm not a good daughter
If you think otherwise
Just ask my father

Depression is back
Though I will try
To smile all day
Although it's a lie

My body is dead
From lack of sleep
I want to cut
I want to cut deep

I guess I screwed up
But that's nothing new
Because to my parents
That's all I can do

I'll never be good enough
I'll never excel
They'll never be proud
I can already tell

Homework is killing me
Softball is worse
I swear being athletic
Is a terrible curse

I'm not pretty to my mom
Not strong to my dad
And when I was 3
I lost the best thing I had

My real mom would love me
I bet she'd be proud
And I bet she already is
Up there from her cloud

But on earth I'm a nothing
Just a mistake
But sadly my life
Is not mine to take

All I know now
Is last night I cried
And if my boyfriend hadn't called
I'd probably have died

With a razor pressed down
Across my wrist
Thinking only on thing:
I wouldn't be missed

I stared in the mirror
I hated the sight
Of that stupid mess-up
That does nothing right

I wish I was beautiful
I wish I was grand
I wish someone
Would understand

I wish someone would see
Behind my eyes
I wish that my smiles
Weren't always lies

I wish that these scars
Would leave me alone
I wish I had a place
That was a real home

Again I press them,
My razor to my vein,
It slices my skin
And relieves all the pain....

*To my friends on this site, no I didn't cut again...but I still really feel the need to...but I'm holding out best I can.*

*Again, sorry if it seems thrown together, but my thoughts tend to race and I like to write them as the come out rather than try to twist them around.*

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by MemoirsOfMe

    Oh, Raychil. Please don't feel worthless. You're special, and talented - and sometimes, people don't see that. One of my problems is always wanting to live up to people's, very high, expectations. It wears me out, drains me, and I almost want to give up all the time. And I feel like I'm a failure. But then I slap myself and I'm pushing myself to make something of myself - and I know it's gonna be hard to not go back into depression, and I know it's gonna be hard to stay on track - but I think it'll be worth it. Poetry is amazing, isn't it? I feel as if mine always sound jumbled, but this sounds really well. "Keep ya head up", words of a true guy who made something of himself.

  • 17 years ago

    by Maddie

    This is so amazing. i wish i could write like that. keep it up. love ya!!!

  • 17 years ago

    by Mr O

    I believe you parents love you very much. As I am a parent and cant imagine that they could not their child.
    I am often hard on my girls too. I just want them to be the best that they can. To learn from there mistakes and mine. I tend to lecture and they hate that but if they get just the basics of what Im tring to say then perhaps it is worth the pain we sometimes inflict upon eachother. I remember my fathers lectures and I said that I would never be like that, but as I grew older I realized that I had taken most of his lessons to heart.
    Take the lessons with you through life and leave the harsh way that they can be taught behind you and you will perhaps be a better teacher yourself when you have children.
    Its great that you are able to get your feelings out through your poetry.
    Hang in there. Your poetry may one day help others, as it is very heart felt and real.

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