I'll see your heart, and raise you mine

by Marcus   Apr 12, 2007


This still needs a lot of work..

Here she comes, the Epitome of Grace
This nervousness, it will not leave
"And lead us not into temptation"
I feel like Adam, on his first glance of Eve

The vacuum of space, constricts my chest
The crowd parts for a clearer view
"And lead us not into temptation"
On Noah's Ark, I hope i'm sat next to you

One year on, I'm still the same
We meet in the mornings and then go to college
"And lead us not into temptation"
I ate your apple from the tree of knowledge

This game we play
We're doing fine
I'll see your heart
And raise you mind

©

Marcus

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Espoirfailed

    This is amazingly clever, and extremely beautiful. i am not religious in the slightest but i thought the use of the biblical phrases in this were outstanding. i also loved the title and the last two lines because they were intelligent and witty but also meaningful.

    you seem to think this needs a lot of work, but in my opinion this is perfect, the reason it won the contest of over 25 poems

  • 17 years ago

    by Teria

    Out of the poems I've read, I think this is your best so far. I liked how you repeated " Lead us not into tempation" and then related it to things in the bible. They say the bible is love, eh. So, it kinda went with the poem. :D

    Keep it up.
    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Gem

    I just noticed that typo too, lol
    It still rocks honey, it's my fave poem by you ever!!
    Love you tons
    Kitten xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    It's really sweet and cute...so sweet wording and good flow...but there is just a thing in the last line
    You wrote 'mind' instead of 'mine'
    It would be perfect if you correct it
    Good job
    Laura

  • 17 years ago

    by Nicole

    5/5 for something that needs work its off to a great start. keep it up i like what i've read

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