The Departed

by Marc Ortiz   Apr 12, 2007


Staring at my hand with a gun and knife
I stabbed my left wrist until red blood flowed

Pointing the gun right beside my earlobes
I heed a shot echoing within me

Screaming my last words and then pain erupts
I breathed for the last time when I collapsed

There's a perfect vision when my eyes closed
I lie down cold cannot feel anything

Mounting away from the prison body
My soul smiled and said, "I'm finally free"

Soaring high in the sky enjoying time
Finally I can be right beside her

No one knew a boy died in the district
Someone saw my shell lying down lifeless

Standing alongside my inert body
Crying. Mommy, Daddy I'm coming home..

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by moonlil

    Mounting away from the prison body
    My soul smiled and said, "I'm finally free"

    When i die I think my sould will smile too.

  • 17 years ago

    by Vanessa

    Sad, but brillant.strong deep emtions. great word choice. once again another brillant job.
    i have really started to ejoy your work, keep it up. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Robert

    Well if you really wanted to die thats a good way of doing it. Ok lets get down to it. The message was good the flow was pretty good. The final part though I had a couple of issues with, You said something about her then you said something about your mother and father. Ok who did you die for and why was that not explained just a thought

  • 17 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    I really wasn't keen on this poem, besides I found it difficult to understand it as you continuously jumped between first and third person. The subject was average and one I've read many times before (suicide.) It really didn't impress me one bit.
    I'm not going to bore you with the list of things I didn't like because it won't help either of us...

  • 17 years ago

    by AllHailTheHeartbreaker

    This kind of reminds me of the Boys Night Out CD, Trainwreck. If you haven't heard it, you should listen to it. It's pretty intense. Great work, though. Another excellent poem.

    5/5

    [tragic]

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