My Confessions

I tend to only look at the pain you've caused,
never acknowledging the great times we once shared.
I catch myself thinking about why I should hate you,
and never why I should still cherish you.

When you call me I get angry,
assuming you'll just tell me lies.
When I say I want to have a mother/daughter day,
I don't, I am too scared.

The thought of getting close to you scares me,
I assume I will once again get let down.
I don't trust you enough to confide in you,
assuming you won't care.

I never tell you I miss you (although you don't tell me)
because I would have to admit it's true.
I tell people I didn't need a mom to raise me,
but I am just telling a lie.

I pretend that I can no longer feel pain,
but truth be told, I am dieing inside.
I'm too afraid to show emotion,
I assume no one will understand.

I cry when no one is watching,
so my fiance won't ask why.
And I scream at him for everything,
while I pretend I'm screaming at you.

I am this way because of you mom,
but I'll never let you know.
If I confessed to you these feelings,
I'd be confessing what you did is true.