Hummmm..Well the flow was a little off...Maybe if you just rearranged it into a rhyme scheme...Maybe rearrange some of the words too..I don't have any suggestions as to how you could do this though..sorry..Great starter piece though!! I think you could turn this into a great write with a little fixing...Best of luck!! 4/5
Tyanna

Well there's some... but still great! most important for me u write it from the bottom of ur heart i really appreciate and i thankful that u shared ur poems w/us... just keep on writing ok!

Hehehe Ok, since you already admitted it I won't say anything lol All in all I loved it and hope that you two stay close friends for life =) Another 5 =)
Rhea

I thought it was good
through yeah the flow was perfect
it was still interesting to read
i liked it
thx for the comments
and yeah the rest is coming
after i get a few more comments lol

Keenan