This is how i feel about everything

Right now.....i feel trapped....I'm a smart kid...in top ten of my class but my parents never seem to be satisfied. i made mistakes yea...i drank sorry..yea i smoked sorry....but I'm growing up making mistakes....i learned my lesson....i mean I'm allowed to go out and everything...but i feel wen i do they just think I'm being a screw up.....with my friends....i have a lot but not all of them get along....some of them actually really annoy me at times and i don't understand them. With guys.....a lot of guys like me...but never the ONE just one that i want.....i had him but like an idiot i let him go and now that i want him back its too late....hes leaving off to college while I'm still here stuck in high school....and it is my fault. everyone around me seems to be ten times happier then me....and man am i good at hiding it.....in school I'm always smiling "little miss popular" but inside I'm just blah......just cuz u have a lot of friends doesn't mean they'll all be there for u wen u need them...or that u can even trust them for that matter. you cant depend on any1 .....its always me, myself, and i