Awhh this was sweet. i loved it! great job writing it!

I liked it. It wasn't too cliched like most love poems, and you kept on track with it. You didn't skip from idea to idea, and it was at the same time really cute. =)

"Kiss me just once, I wouldn't mind dying in your arms
as long as I leave this place smiling."

^^ I really loved those lines, something just stood out to me with them. Great job. ^_^

I found this poem to be beautifully sad but an enjoyable read. The emotions were strong which flowed throughout it. The only thing i wasnt so keen on was the structure like your stanzas were all different lengths. Well done on this tho i liked it alot~mel

This part was quite lovely really
"Lay beside me with your smile exposed,
your lips are clearly my target
and I am not one to hesitate."
it was filled with complete adoration. 5/5.

I had it under explicit, but a friend cant read it when its under that so i recently switched it, but as soon as shes done im switching it back love.

This poem was pretty good, it had very good emotion but some lines felt a little forced, otherwise it was a good poem

Oh no love, i dont cut myself if thats the impression you got!!! oh no no no...lol. i re-read your poem and its still just as good as it was the first time i read it :D

You know, i thought your profile seemed familiar. and i saw a few titles of some of your poems and realized that i used to read your poems all the time and i used to vote for them for contests. haha, its a small world really. just a tad you think love? and yes, im a very nice person, but ive had my share of bad experiences just like everyone else here love.

And i remember visiting your myspace. i just visited it again, it looks the same as it did when i first looked at it. do you change it much?

Wonderful poem. The flow was great and the emotion was shown.
Keep up the good work 5/5

|Sarah|

This poem is amazing. alot of emotion.
The flow was really nice. You did a good job.
5/5

~Chelsea

Darien...This piece speaks to me...It touched my heart deeply. I've never experienced such, but it enlightened me so much that I look forward to the day where I can write in happiness about such feelings as this. Keep writing!

I felt that once darien. Excellent job.

I love this poem! I love this stanza ^^ 5/5! hihi

"If you stared into my eyes,
you would see these feelings
that leave me wanting you more and more.
I am crippled, I am weak,
you are holding all the keys
that make my life complete."

"Kiss me just once, I wouldn't mind dying in your arms,
as long as I leave this place smiling."

my favorite lines.i cannot tell you how much i can relate.
--this was such a beautiful poem,i loved it!
and i know how this is,love is such a powerful thing. =]
thank you again for commenting.

--lexie

Wow, I loved it. It flowed very well. Keep up the good work. =) Very powerful.
-Ally

Awhh, Darien that was so sweet. It looks like i'm not the only onee in love. Which, btw, i'm actually not. Hehe, only writing about it. =P This was a beautiful write, the flow worked well, the descriptions were detailed and the emotion was strong. I love how you made it so that you seemed vulnurable, it was a unique way of doing it. The only thing I didn't like very much was the last line.. For me, that just didn't work, I thought you could have done better and ended your poem with more power. But it was still great, Ily hun. 5/5

Wow....!!! This was amazingly written! You were so descriptive and powerful it gave me chills! I loved this poem wonderful job!

Awe that was cute, and a very interesting structure you used....In the beginning I thought you were going to end the poems by in each paragrah taking away a line...but then on the 4th line you stopped and made it a larger paragraph again... I liked it.

Kiss me just once, I wouldn't mind dying in your arms
as long as I leave this place smiling.
^^^that was really cute

Lay beside me with your smile exposed,
^^I liked that line
your lips are clearly my target
and I am not one to hesitate.
^^after you said target I think it would be cuter and less cliche to say somthing comparing her lips to a dart bored... sine you already said they were your target...the dart being your kiss of course.

Ever since you walked into my life,
my shattered dreams fell into the right places
and made sense again.
^^ Do you really need the "and made sense again"? It threw off the flow

Even if the night came to an end
^^ I think this would sound better if you said "even if this night comes to and end"

Hey,
Again this is quite a sweet poem. I liked how you describe yourself as "crippled" and "weak" becuase of the love you feel. The overlal poem had a good flow to it. I lreally liked the "shattered dreams fell into the right places" i thought this saying is quite excellent. My minds eye can kinda see some shattered glass or something all falling into the right places. I like your repitition of "I'm just happy" right at the end. I htink this is an excellent way of concluding the poem as it makes the point seem more. keep writing! xx