Dear Daddy...

Amazing indeed. The poem has all poetic qualities in it. I would like to highlight the meaning and the message in it. You have beautifully described your feelings and how you have been put to so much grief.

You let go and dropped me to the ground.
As I lay, crimson blood I dreadfully found,

Very nice and mournful lines.

Tc
With love
Fsams

First stanza was great.
Really made me want to read on.
"You looked at me with piercing eyes"
The first line kinda set the scene and was really good to start with.
Well done there. :]

"You grabbed [my bare fragile] arms,
Seizing violently with much harm.

I think something LIKE that ^^ would flow much better in this stanza. Thats just an example. Just play around with words and say it to yourself. Try to prevent it from sounding forced.

"High heels stepped on my chest
Pain excruciated the harder you pressed
No longer do I want slow demise
Please, mom, stop this so-called exercise"

I loved that stanza. It is full of emotion and really paints the picture and makes the reader sympathize.

"If only he'll come and [rescue] me.
Together we'll be; happy and free."

Adding "rescue" instead of "take" lengthens the line and makes the flow more powerful in my opinion :]

I loved how the ending refered to the title and really ended the poem leaving the reader in awe.

Well doneeee.

Debbs i truely loved this poem alot, It simple but your vocab was truely amazing throughout this showing so much pain and hurt. I found it to be beautifully dark. Again another great piece of work by you.

(Dougs just gone to work now he said he'd be on as soon as he got home so hopefully he will accept you very shortly. Dw we miss you alot. Soon and we heard from Bryan we were in shock. love ya lots look forward to talking to you soon enough =) and dw same thing happened to me with my account you'll get your poems back up soon.)