What im trying to say.

Isn't much of a poem. but just a short text.

i still miss you boy.
so bloody much
why?
search me.
theres just no one to measure up to you.
i still need you alot.
i thought it was all good over and done with. i wish you were here.
just mine again.
id give up the world for you.
id do anything, just to be beside you to hear you breathing to see your smile.
i wish it wasn't this way.
and i wish you'd just come back to me...
why wont you take me back again...?
its not the intimate moments i miss.
its just
everything.
the way u laugh joke smile and most of all the way u make me feel when I'm with you.
when I'm without you and just by thinking of you.
i dint know who you are anymore.
i dint blame anyone but me..
i dint think its her problem you left.
sometimes i wonder why you wont take me back.
is it me? I'm not pretty enough for you? I'm too sensitive?
i dint get why you had to lie to me that day. why couldn't you have just told me the truth.
that being with me was eating up your time, your life and that you dint like me anymore.
that I'm not worthy of what you'd have to give me.
i dint ask anything from you.
just a simple explanation, acknowledgment.
i guess what I'm trying to say is that i miss you terribly and nothings been the same about me ever since you're gone.
this is absurd and nonsensical, you'd say.
why haven't i forgotten all this and moved on?
even i dint know.
you were my first ever.
my first everything.
and yeah, Ive tried to forget everything and yes we're still friends and no i dint want to spoil anything, especially our friendship.
i reminisce and all i can ask myself is why couldn't i have met you sooner and be with you earlier.
i seem forgotten my life before you.
like there wasn't anyone or anything else.
i need you so badly it never seemed that way when we were together.
but when you left it just came back down.
it just crashed.

i give up. i dint think i can write anymore.
maybe I'm just crazy.
and maybe I'm just trying to say i love you.