The poem could use more rhyming. Once again, you need to keep ONE rhyming scheme. If you do multiple in the poem it will make it a total mess. Try not to put the same thing at the begining, it just makes the poem get tireing((not saying yours ways just some info for future references)). Work on better grammar. Once you mastered that, you could be an awesome writer. Great writing takes practice, but keep trying. I will give you a 5. God Bless 5/5
<3Tayyy

Fantastic poem. Such emotion. Keep up the great work.

Josie

If you could stick to one rhyming scheme it would be better. But this poem held alot of emtion, and it was pretty good, I like the message behind it. All in all 4/5