Breakdown

I thought this poem was really good. Apart from all the touch ups that people have already mentioned...Its sounds great! 4/5.

Keep writing and you will become better! ;)

And thankyou for all your comments on my poems. They were all very sweet. Thankyou!

The first part of the poem had a bad start grammerly. It really did your work alot of injustice. That and the fact you almost seem to have all this fustration in the world but don't know how to expess it metephoriclly. Your work is raw but has some merrit. I think if you read some Poe or even some biblical text you can see how you can expess yourself in descibing other things well I hope this helps Plot121

This poem was preaty good.. a little short and it could have used some more metaphores etc but otherwise it wasnt bad. The very first line is not a complete idea and doesnt really make sence I think that it needs something in there to complete it because it kinda of throws off the idea, you could be saying I hate my life so much, I love my life so much, I despise my life so much I regret my life so much it could be anything and for whatever word you put in there could totally change the flow/mood if the poem. Place a word in there and it will be much better.

I my life so much
Everyone laughs and points at me
They all call me names and such
But the hurt on the inside they dont see

I think you meant "I hate my life so much". And I must say, the first stanza was a disappointment. Such an overused topic, and there was no apparent attempt to to make it stand out from the rest.

"I do all i can to look happy
They just continue to break me down
But they just make my life crappy
Soon im going to drown"

I absolutely, do not, like the last line. It seemed forced, the rhyming, I mean.

"All i want to do is yell
I have so much rage inside
I feel like telling them all to go to hell
I no longer want to run and hide"

You're getting slightly better with your way of wording things.

"I just want to go insane
Im so close to a breakdown
Im so sick of the pain
Soon ill be gone without a sound"

I love a poem with a strong ending, but yours just lack it.

If my honesty seems insulting, please forgive me.

I would suggest going over your poem. Add a simile here, a metaphor there, a few twists to such a super-cliche topic, and you'll have a better poem in no time.

Best wishes.

3/5

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

At first I wondered why this poem was in slang, but then i realized why, im hopeless sometimes haha. This poem was good, i think some of the rhymes were forced, because they didnt add up quite right. The first line, what were you trying to say? I hate my lfie so much?
This poem, just needs some grammar fix ups. There isnt anything there that practice wont cure, so thats awesome!
welldone.
kaitlynx.