Better Life - Eden {Quadruple Triolet}

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Apr 18, 2007


A golden arch way of flower scents,
Walk through to arms opened wide.
A truth of purity and simple hints,
A golden arch way of flower scents.
Deep within the arch you've went,
Following precious steps of tide.
A golden arch way of flower scents,
Walk through to arms opened wide.

The forbidden fruit you must taste;
Take it in your hands with much pride.
A better life was put to waste,
The forbidden fruit you must taste.
Cover your sin with delicate haste,
When you strayed from the guide.
The forbidden fruit you must taste,
Take it in your hands with much pride.

We were shunned to the middle Hell,
A nasty place They call Earth.
A dark and sickly tale,
We were shunned to the middle Hell.
A stomach retching wail,
As to this retched place god gave birth.
We were shunned to the middle Hell,
A nasty place They call Earth.

Could not live the human race;
A better life we once had.
All we are are god's disgrace,
Could not live the human race.
With emotion we were faced,
Yet once life wasn't so bad.
Could not live the human race,
A better life we once had.

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A Triolet is a poetic form consisting of only 8 lines. Within a Triolet, the 1st, 4th, and 7th lines
repeat, and the 2nd and 8th lines do as well. The rhyme scheme is simple: ABaAabAB, capital
letters representing the repeated lines.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by claire

    Cool format - you did a good job of making it seem pretty natural, although the flow could've been a little bit better. the poetry itself is amazing - beautiful, trenchant - you get the idea. great writing!

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashleigh Skye

    Wow I really liked this poem I was always amased because I've read so many religious poems but not one of them have I read yet talked about Adam and Eve and that story. You always choose some very random topics to write about but you always manage to pull with off with such flair. "All we are are god's disgrace," This I found was such a powerful line especialy when you repeated it. I think it meant so much to me because its a different outlook then what everyone else always says. Its so different then he loves you etc and so forth. But I really loved how you talked about how great heaven was then how bad hell is and how we fell and can't go back. Nice work, 5/5 for style, creativity, and originality.

  • 17 years ago

    by HOLLYWOODxBANGBANG

    Wow! Sheena Dear, that was amazing, I really liked that piece. They keep getting better and better Honey.

    5.5

  • 17 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Wow, I'm speechless. I think this is your best so far. You make me want to try this style out. I haven't written a poem for quite a while. This poem gives me a good start to a new inspiration.

  • 17 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    Wow great poem, i enjoyed reading it because as usual your choice of words are great.
    nuff luv xx

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