I like it. It's a story and it touches on a lot of different things. I think if you worked on making the rhyming better and use some alliteration or just literary techniques this poem could be a lot better. As it is now I like it so 5/5

"Dance with a passion,
and kiss with fervor.
You'll never see each other again,
after the night is over."

That was my favorite part. It ends the poem very nicely. I loved the detail you put into it and it definately puts images in my mind.
Wonderful =)

~Casey Jillian