Cute Without The E

by HOLLYWOODxBANGBANG   Apr 19, 2007


Standing behind closed doors in an antique wedding dress,
Debris from broken stars fall into her eyes of distress,
But as she wipes cinders of her porcelain tears from her eyes,
She looks down the aisle at you, smiling through all your lies.

And as she walks she hears them whisper: 'Look at her!'
But even from there, through your eyes she knows it's a blur,
Your breath is coated in the whiskey and cigarette smoke,
For the sake of the happy crowd, on her words she chokes.

And to the back of her mind, she pushes all the clues,
Forgetting the look on her face when she heard the news,
The lipstick stains that she was forced to look away from,
And how she'd sleep on the couch, despising what you've become.

But as she reaches you on the altar, she mutters under her breath:
'This wedding, it might be the life of me, or it might be the death,
But for Gods sake, could you have just a little more class than this,
To bring your mistress and estranged child to watch our wedding kiss?'

And as the Preacher talks to Jesus, A tear falls down from her eye,
As she lifts her veil and finally gains the courage to say good-bye,
But when she throws her wedding band down, she smiles and turns,
Walking away from you for the last time, her lesson learned.

-Jenna Elphick
April 18, 2007

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by David

    Ah well done. i was gripped from the very begining. the title that is. and this was excellent! i loved how you described it. how she felt. the emotion and pain she felt.

    5/5 David

  • 17 years ago

    by disturbed one

    Im not really even sure what to say about this, its awesome. Like, I cant even fathom where you get ideas like this

    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by ShhhhItsASecret©

    Maybe if it was something like....

    And as the preacher talks to Jesus, a tear falls down from her eye,
    She lifts her veil slowly and finally gains the courage to say good-bye,
    Throwing down her wedding band, she smiles and turns,
    Walking away from you for the last time, her lesson learned.

    - Just a quick rewording... I am just giving an example of what I'd do with it.

  • 17 years ago

    by ShhhhItsASecret©

    The imagery was great. You had a very good point and I love how you described it so well. There was just something about the last stanza that didn't quite fit.. I don't know if it's how it is worded, but it doesn't seem to flow very well...

    "And as the Preacher talks to Jesus, A tear falls down from her eye,
    As she lifts her veil and finally gains the courage to say good-bye,
    But when she throws her wedding band down, she smiles and turns,
    Walking away from you for the last time, her lesson learned."

    - Maybe you said "as" too many times... I really don't know. It could just be me.. But I think you could reword some of it to make it even better.

    -BJ-

  • 17 years ago

    by ben thompson

    Good write my friend i especially liked the first stanza. great word usage as well. 5/5 best of wishes

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