Wow.. I LOVED the opening line to this poem, and I must say, I think it is the best line I have ever read on this site. It had beautiful imagery, so much emotion, in just one line. Incredible!!..

You really did a great job on this poem, I was afraid with such an amazing opening line, the rest of the poem would collapse, but you did a great job keeping this one going. The entire poem was very strong and very deep. I like the last line as well, it was really good, and repeating 'Please' was useful. Keep on writing my friend, this was just GREAT. I am definitely voting this one for the Weekly Contest.

(One thing though, just capitalize the 't' in 'turmoil' in the title) Stronger that way.

Wow! Thanks Darien :)

Again, Another great poem. You did a wonderful job on this poem. Your a really good writer. Keep it up!! 5/5

~Chelsea

This was a fantastic poem and I agree with Darien, the first line was dynamite! My only suggestion would be
"People around makes me feel unwelcome"
*makes seems out of place maybe you meant 'making'?
I must say I am glad I went on the Request discussion board because it led me to you! I like you poems and am muchly happy that I got to read them :)
Cheers!
Kim

In your profile, you had said: "Excuse my bad English"
Is this really what you call bad english??!!
I've not read much of your poetry but this definately made me think you write good ones. I'm going to read more of yours now :)
oh and may the angel descend :)
(I think I'm having a new idea for my next poem. so thank you even more =) )

Marjan

This is really good. The persona sounds so desperate, so hurt. I like how strongly that emotion is conveyed.

"The sky is as dark as my shaggy hair
The sun is cold like my shattered frail heart"

^ The flow of these lines were kind of off. In the second line, I would choose to use either 'shattered' or 'frail', but not both.

Everyone seems to live a lie each day
Everyone lies and talk behind our back..
Here is a friend asking if I'm alright
"I'm fine." (Its too late to stop pretending..)

^ I didn't like how you used 'lie' in one line, and then 'lies' in the next. It's too similar.

The second line should read, "Everyone lies and TALKS behind our BACKS."

In the last line in that stanza, inside the brackets, there should be an apostrophe in 'It's'.

Overall, it was enjoyable to read. :]

Ok thanks a lot HiddenxSoul!

It wasn't bad. I've read better though.
I liked the lines "The sky is as dark as my shaggy hair
The sun is cold like my shattered heart
My life is hopeless like my love story.."
Similies aid all forms of writing!!
The subject is something I'm not keen on (I've noticed it's a reoccuring theme in your poetry) but as I've already pointed out there were some lines I liked.
Thanks for sharing.

Also, I quickly read the other poem you asked me to read and just to let you know I liked the first stanza very much...

This poem wasn't as good as the others I read, but still it was good. the imagery was alright, and the word choice was good, and the vocab was great. You did a good job. thanks for sharing 4/5

This ia another good work from u..
"The sky is as dark as my shaggy hair
The sun is cold like my shattered heart
My life is hopeless like my love story.."
lovely write...very beautiful lines!
And teh opening line was superb..loved it!
xxPoojaxx

You should really add some punctuation into this.
It would turn this into a pretty darn good poem.

First stanza?
Very relatable to me back in the days.

Second stanza?
Loved the two lines.
Second two lines?
My life is hopeless like my love story..
There is no more hope! In this filthy world!
Um... really, really dramatic.
But very poetic, actually.

Everyone seems to live a lie each day
Everyone lies and talks behind our back..
You said "lie" two times.
Maybe you could change it?

Umm..
Really dramtic, my dear.
And also, really cliched.
I loved your beginning.
It's relatable to me.
But asking angels for help usually means
Asking angels to take you away.
At least it does in my mind.
Correct me if I'm wrong please.
All in all.
This deserves a four.
No more, no less.

Topic's cliched but it's alright. I really liked the imagery and basically word choice. The first stanza was truly gripping. Not a genuine favorite topic but it's okay because it works with the imagery. Some emotional aspects follow through. Not the best but not the worst for this type of topic. Still it's a good write with a nice sad current throughout the entire piece.
~Faith-less

I really loved this course i feel like this everyday at least im not alone.