Why
by damon Apr 19, 2007
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Why am i here, did god give me a plan, did he trust that i would step up and be the bigger man, why is it so cold, even though i know i got so many people who care, alot of respect that i dont need but i have it anyways, why did i choose the wrong road, why did i take the wrong path, the past is the past leave it or believe it, why do people suffer, why do we write whats on our minds instead of saying it, is it because its easier to you and me, stopping asking why and just please believe its to earlier to choose your destiny, come up with one..... |
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Latest Comments
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17 years ago
Luvli Poem! =] Welldone xx
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17 years ago
by Michelle
I really liked this piece, what you were talking about, and the overall theme of the poem, but you definitely need to format it LIKE a poem. You basically wrote it as if I were reading a paragraph of random thoughts. It looks as if you tried to create some rythm by the commas, but they're just not enough to really create the structure of a poem. My advice would be to make every phrase after a comma its own line. I think that's what you were going for anyway.
That being said, I really enjoyed the rest of the poem and especially liked the lines,
"why did i take the wrong path, the past is the past leave it or believe it,"
Overall I think you did a very good job, but the structure needs to be altered. Lovely read
