Comments : Tears

  • 17 years ago

    by Natalie

    I'm not really into cutting poems anymore... but this one was done very well... it's very different to most. That's why I like it so much. You described cutting in a completely different way. Nicely done!!

    Natalie``

  • 17 years ago

    by Cindy

    Gasttlee
    Very sad write. The imagery was great.
    Good job!
    Take Care Cindy

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashley

    Thats awsoem but sad i know how that is been there done that but i love the poem !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ~ ashley ~

  • 17 years ago

    by Ike Dizzle

    This is very good. I felt like this once. Not any more 5/5
    -vino

  • 17 years ago

    by David

    Well done. i like your style of writing. so different and refreshing.

    5/5 David

  • 17 years ago

    by Gem

    "They are never-ending
    like a broken faucet."

    Excellent simile!
    Overall, a very hard hitting poem..
    Well done
    5/5
    *Gem*

  • 17 years ago

    by StJimmy

    Well what I have to say has been said so much in the above, but it was a great poem. I loved how it flowed and the context was good.

    C@

  • 17 years ago

    by Untamed

    Beautiful

  • 17 years ago

    by Fan Angeleo

    Creative I like it.

  • 17 years ago

    by Jemma

    'Their currents are strong
    washing me in sadness.'

    Those lines are wonderful.

    it's very emotive, very strongly written.

    Jem

  • 17 years ago

    by purplemadness

    All of this is brilliant. What feeling, keep it up. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Silently He walks

    Woah i didnt like this at all. well written yes but not my kind of topic. sorta freaked me out. your talent is shown however

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    My tears run deep
    flowing down the ocean.
    ^Hmm, I'm a tad confused here, did you mean to say "flowing down like an ocean"? or did you literally mean, that they were falling over the ocean. I don't know, maybe it's just me? But that was kind of confusing to me..

    They are never-ending
    like a broken faucet.
    ^haha, see, unlike above, here I don't think you need the "like", I believe a metaphore would work nicely instead of a simile. "They are never-ending, a broken faucet." sounds better to me.

    I drown everyday,
    for the dam is huge.
    ^This is fine. Nicely done.

    The drops never dry
    even in the shiniest light.
    ^Er. I don't particually care for the wordage here "shiniest light" just doesn't sit well, at all, for me. Maybe try brightest or something? Also, I think you might want to add "not" before even, because it reinforces the "never".

    They are so blue
    leaving the sky shadowed.
    ^Not quite sure what you were trying to express here.

    The water becomes solid
    when the world is cold.
    ^Ahh I like how you wrote this! Nice!

    The rain it brings
    dissolves like acid.

    Their currents are strong
    washing me in sadness.

    I am being showered
    by blades of pain
    splashing pools of blood.
    ^I don't like this. The randomness of the three lines coming out of nowhere is just weird for me. I would try combining two of the lines.

    This river now runs still,
    for the final cut is here.
    ^Okay ending.

    **It was overall a nice poem. It could be 'bettered', and there were a few places I was confused, but you do have talent.