The bullet missed

by Vanessa   Apr 19, 2007


There is this man, whose all alone
It has been that way for years
For the place he calls home
Is a memorial for her tears.

They married when they were too young
He worked all the time, She had no friends,
Soon every word he spoke to her stung
It was the beginning of the end

She sat and waited for him to get in
Crying all the while
Thinking of her wedding day, back then
Slowly made her smile

The way he held her hand
The way he caressed her face
She thought he'd always understand
And she'd never feel out of place

But those happy moments were gone
Nothing left, but memory
Everything has went wrong
All she wants is to be free

It is 3 in the morning, he's not there
She is tired of his lies
It is obvious that he doesn't care
She says between her cries

Having nothing that means a thing to her
She gets in her car, and heads for the states
Her tears, causing her vision to blur
She runs head first into her fate.

The funeral is Monday, he has to work
He sits at his desk truly in a state of shock
His heart, and soul so full of hurt
He can barely even talk.

He changes clothes, It is time to go.
He wonders if he can even do it
As his bare emotions show
He knows he won't get though it

He grabs his gun, and says a prayer
Telling her he'll soon be there
He wakes up really pissed
All because the bullet missed.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by amber

    That is really good. there are some grammer problems. but otherwise it is really good. keep it up.

  • 17 years ago

    by Teria

    There is this man, whose all alone
    It has been that way for years
    For the place he calls home
    Is a memorial for her tears.
    -----
    ^ This stanza seems as if it has too many words, I guess.. ? Lol. I think it would sound a bit better like :
    " There's this man, all alone,
    it's been this way for years.
    For, the place he calls home,
    is her memorial of tears."
    --------
    "She thought he'd always understand
    And she'd never feel out of place"
    -----
    ^ The word feel doesn't go with stanza. I think it would sound better with the word fall, or be.
    -------
    "It is 3 in the morning, he's not there
    She is tired of his lies"
    -----
    ^ The last line I think would sound better like " And, she's tired of his lies."
    --------
    "He can barely even talk."
    -----
    ^ I think you should add the word "as" at the beginning.
    -------

    This was a really sad poem. And, though I think that a few things would sound better, I loved this poem. I hope you don't take the above the wrong way. I don't mean it in a bad way, eh. Because, this is like one of the best poems I've read today. Even with it's little "problems" it's amazing, and it has a lot of meaning and potential.

    GREAT JOB!
    4/5

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