Aww this is soo sad. i really enjoyed reading it though. the flow was great! you did such an amazing job on writing this! 5/5

~Kristina

Overall, I liked it. The last half was much smoother than the first. However, I liked the active voice in the first half better. I don't know if the switch was intentional later on, but I would definitely keep the poetry in active voice. It lends a sense of urgency and anxiety to the material.

On the same note, I think the two line, repeat stanza would be better in active voice.

Also, the second line "Wanting him to join them"
feels shallow. 'Want' isn't very descriptive.

Line 1: I don't think you need the adverb 'there'

Line 7: switch in voice. take out the ing and make it active voice.

Line 10: Doesn't sound quite right. Get rid of the conjunction 'that' or make 'he is' a contraction? Either way, 'that' feels like a filler word.

Line 16: This stanza is very important, but it loses a lot of emotion on this line. I suspect a dying father would have more of a reply to his daughter's love than understanding. I would really like to reread the poem with a revised line here to add more depth to the characters in the poem and also to draw the reader in emotionally.

Line 18: typo - them should be him.

Line 19: I like the line, but the comma is disruptive. Also, it just doesn't seem to flow well for me. "He gives up the fight he could never win" ? I dunno, it could be better somehow :\

Hopefully this isn't discouraging or too negative. I did enjoy the poem and would like to see it refined a bit more.

There was a few mistakes in this poem but i think overal it had a great meaning throughout it. It held alot of emotion and i loved the voice at the start of it. The idea behind this was portrayed nicely. Well done on this poem~mel

This made me cry.
You did a great job.
And, I loved the repeated lines, and the ending that goes with it.
Keep it up, sweetie.
5/5

'The angels are calling to him
Wanting them to join them'

The first them should be him.

Anyway, great poem. Not as good as your others but definitely deserving of a 4/5. Great craftmanship and well penned. The flow was a little off throughout the poem but i liked the idea behind it. :)

Wow.. i have to say i loved the repitition of this poem;
"The angels are calling to him
Wanting them to join them"

I just love how youve written this, andt e reptition seems really strong. It works brilliantly. Good range of vocabulary youve used hear, and youve got a few rhyme's. It has a good overall flow to the entire poem. Its filled with emotion and i loved that about the poem. To improve i suggest you use punctuation. Other then thata good read! Keep writing! xx

Wow.. i have to say i loved the repitition of this poem;
"The angels are calling to him
Wanting them to join them"

I just love how youve written this, andt e reptition seems really strong. It works brilliantly. Good range of vocabulary youve used hear, and youve got a few rhyme's. It has a good overall flow to the entire poem. Its filled with emotion and i loved that about the poem. To improve i suggest you use punctuation. Other then thata good read! Keep writing! xx