Triggers

My mind has many triggers,
Just be careful which one you pull.
One mintue I could snap
Becoming dangerous to mankind.
The feeling
The urge
Makes me want to kill.
Never physically,
Always in my mind.

I imagine as the blood
Flows slowly to floor
I look at the cold body
And drop the weapon to the ground.
I feel my body numb
I try to ask myself
"What have I done?"

Soon my anger turned to fear
Just watching the blood continue to flow
My heart feels as though it would stop
And yet I'm still alive.
I kneel over the body
I pray from them to be alive
I place my hand on their skin
And they felt ice cold.

This wasn't suppose to happen
I didn't want to be a murder.
My fate wasn't to kill
It had to be something more.

My fears turned to depression
Constantly hating myself
Wanting to die
Living this life felt like a crime.
How could I go on?
When I just killed another?
I feel my hands slowly gripping on a knife.

As graceful as I seem
I place it to my heart.
I want to take away the pain
From where it all had begun.
I feel my tears flowing down
As though it was a storm,
I slow push the knife
Feeling my own blood.
Hearing it hit the floor.

Was this how they felt
When I killed them in my thoughts?
Finally within seconds
As though it never happened.
The knife had reached my heart.

My eyes were getting heavy
And I could barely breathe.

For so long I have been waiting
And now I've done my deed.