The Bodys' Rain

Hmmm, I found the first stanza the most captivating

What is this feeling; an ambush of blood rush,
A strain on a black heart, drained with pain.
Continuous darkness, as she blinks so fast,
Avoiding tears; the body's rain.

I just love it sooo much.
Great write!!
:)

HAha So Many Comments For A AMAZING POEM really job well done alex Keep it up :)

'What is this feeling; an ambush of blood rush,
A strain on a black heart, drained with pain.
Continuous darkness, as she blinks so fast,
Avoiding tears; the body's rain.'
I get the sense that this poem is going to be either about crying or cutting from the get-go

'The political over rated world, does nothing at all,
For the powers are meant to bring happiness (it failed).
The wealthiest country in the universe,
Cant even make the most normal girl smile.'
The path of the poem shifts unexpectedly but it adds a certain feel of 'wonder where this is going' to the mis.
What was the point of (it failed)? It seems pointless to me, we can kind of infer that from the line it follows.

'The body's rain, is only needed when we overload,
99 times out of 100, these will be called crying.
Associated with sadness, misery, what about laughing and smiles.
For the lies of the establishment, the people are buying.'
Was 'these' supposed to be 'this'.
That confused me a lil.

'Overruled by leaders in a supposed (free country),
Living through a ganstas eyes, knowing what she shouldn't.
The cities unity discriminate rivals in fear.
Gun crime; the leaders wont intervene (they couldn't).'
What was the point of the parenthesis around 'free country?'
I want to think of a better way to include that 'the couldn't' but I can't, at least you kept a consistency when it came down to the parenthesis.

At this point, I start to think that this poem is going in the direction of state of the land.

'Love is important to relieve the world from anger,
But what is love? Where is it from? Where can it be found?
We all find it in different places and interpret it differently,
The body's rain plays a major part in the way that this goes round.'

Love, Politics, the body's rain, so many htings are being mentioned.

'One perspective means absolutely nothing to the strong.
But if it influences YOU, i will have gained,
One world, one life, one way how you feel,
Its all in the bodies rain.

This is about society and how we are sheep being pushed around and stuck behind cages not allowed to be free.'

And you come right out and say it.
Indeed, there are a lot of things that kind of hinder our freedoms, but some would argue that they are in place for our safety.
A wonderful poem.

Good job. It rather accuritely describees todays life. Often enough i hear people complaining about this very stuff. Well written, nice coice of words. 5/5

Omg i loved this poem its really strong and u put all you thoughts into it as well i loved it 5/5

--emz--