Comments : Somewhere In The Darkness

  • 17 years ago

    by Melpomene

    This poem was also a sweet love poem, i enjoyed this one alot. I think you did a great job portraying your feelings towards a girl in this poem. Well done~mel

  • 17 years ago

    by Mommy And Me

    Ohkay two things

    This was an exciting and unforgettable event"" this line throws off the poem a little bit i think if you change some words it will be perfect and

    Thought I'm alone and without her I suffer,
    "" i think you meant to put though instead of thought.

    other wise this poem was wonderfully writen and i enjoyed reading it. the flow of it seemed to work with the poem and there was a bit of an image formed there to. good work.

  • 17 years ago

    by AlaSkA

    This one better than the other 2, still feel allittle forced rhyming, good emotions put out here.
    at the bottom, it seems like you werent interested in writing anymore, that you just needed an ending. could use a little work. just a thought.

  • I thought it was a great message you put out there, the rhyme was slightly off in some areas, but I enjoyed it. A few minor changes is all that is needed, you'll improve the more you write, so keep writing. I agree with Arash, for a 14 year old, you are not bad at all. Keep up the good work, like i said, the more you write, the better you'll get, great work, kiddo. 4/5
    -Ally

  • 17 years ago

    by Sandra D

    I don't know... i really liked what it's about, but the rhyming messed me up a little... and the flow seemd off also. but this is good... keep it up! 4/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Try not to use the pronouns.
    Example: I, he, it
    It ruins the flow when you use it all the time.
    All in all.
    It's a good poem.
    I'll give it a 4/5 :]