When I ask you to listen to me when I hurt or have a problem
and you start giving me advice,
you haven't done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin telling me
why I should or shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as it may seem.
Listen - all I ask is that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap.
A quarter will buy it both from Dear Abby and an astrologer in the same newspaper.
I can get advice by myself - I'm not helpless.
Maybe I'm discouraged and maybe I'm confused.
But I'm not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself
-no matter what your reason
you contribute to my fears of inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you and
get about the business of understanding what's behind this feeling.
When that becomes clear
and the answers become obvious
and I don't need any advice.
So I ask you, if you truly care
- to just listen to me.
Please hear me.
And if you want to talk, just wait a minute for your turn,
and I'll be happy to listen to you.
