Guilty Conscience

This time, I won't screw up my soft heart,
I'll make it impossible, until every nail and bolt,
Sinks into the very image of love, an art,
I've depicted, with love to fill the mold.

To say hello alone makes me feel brave,
I see you stare at me, as if I am a crazy moron,
We don't know each other as I wave,
And you are a perfectly sane, normal person.

My head hurts as I brush off the insanity,
Forgetting how you have managed,
To ignore me past humanity,
If you knew how my stomach hurted.

Hurted because, as you walk to the front of the room,
Every sway and step, the floor minimizes noise,
My eyes can do nothing but stare at you,
When everybody's speaking, all I hear is your voice.

I know this is awkward, vicious, troublesome,
But if I told you the truth, would you listen?
I know that I can be quite bothersome,
But I'm doing it for a reason.

I had a friend, whom I loved with all my heart,
Held it in for four whole years of torture,
A single smile tore me half apart,
My feelings were in failure.

I let him have another girl, let him hold her,
Though he said he didn't love her then,
I thought I would know better,
I hooked them up, for I'm a friend.

Those months were pure months of joy,
For her; she was always happy,
But for him, he was a toy,
And my eyes were always sappy.

I gave up on him, it took forever,
Inside my bubble, I discovered it true,
To my heart, so fragile, I never,
Thought I'd feel for you.

You changed me; I never felt,
So focused on one person, and now,
That my past feelings have been dealt,
I'm wondering how.

You feel for someone else, like them so much,
Like you've never liked someone before,
The thing is, it's you that makes me blush,
Though you like her, it's you that I adore.

I'm sad; within my heart, this small space,
Is screaming, "Let him have her", fool!
Yet, another tries to say,
"He should be with you."

I don't know right now, my feelings are astray,
I wish I could say the truth,
But when you're near, all I can ever say,
Is "Hello", and "How are you?"