Inner war( trigger warning)

My blade fights me still
she manipulates, she won
she replaces my inner turmoils with tares on my body
even if for a little while the pain escapes
but it is never enough
i fought her down once, i won the battle
but she gathered her soldgiers and came back for more
she says she's saving my soul
but she is chipping away at it piece by piece
how can i fight something that is so strong?
something that lives inside, that i can't control
if it comes from within,
can't i find strength to take it away?
i can't let the pain out , except through the cuts on my body
i wonder if i will ever win the war that wages inside my soul
will i win through my victories
or will i throw up my white flag and surrender.
When will the war end?