Don't want to care anymore

I don't want to care anymore,
every relationship leaves me feeling tore,
i don't want to miss being with you,
now I'm not in anything you do,
you seem to be doing fine,
now that you are no longer mine,
if only you could see what you did to me,
what you decided to walk away from and leave,
you lost me trust and respect,
is there anything that you regret,
how can you live with this guilt,
was our relationship a joke you built,
i can't help but second guess,
now everything is becoming a mess,
you blamed our problems on me,
but now I'm not blind and i can see,
what you were hiding from me,
but I'm not strong enough to leave,
after everything i found out,
i still love you with no doubt,
but i don't want to care anymore,
and i don't want to open up my door,
because you think you have total control over me,
and that I'll wait for you and never leave,
you can't expect me to put my life on hold,
your confusing emotions are getting old,
I'm torn between what's real or not,
you've got my emotions in a knot,
I'm sick of being the one who tried,
while you just sat back and lied,
I'm sick of hurting like this,
as you go on like it's me you don't miss,
i don't want to have any feeling,
and i need help healing.
so tell me, when can i stop caring