False love

by freedom   May 1, 2007


Stuck in a envious greed
Try not to let it show
To others he puts on a charade
For he doesn't want them to know
Last night I went to the hospital
For he was abusive to me
We tell them I just fell
Fear in my eyes I hope they do not see
Can't say a thing for he holds the key
To far above my head
Can't speak to thee
For it locks my mouth closed
I remember when he smiled
With love in his eyes
When he never once lied
But now he makes me cry
No happiness I behold
So I try to put on a face
But I'm leaving when he's too old
To stop me from walking out of this place

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Chrissie

    It was good :) But i think you may be able to do alot better if you put your heart into it. Keep it up. Xx Chrissie

  • 17 years ago

    by cowgirlstar26

    Its ok, Ive read alot better, and I agree seperate them into stanzas it would make the structure easier to follow.
    I can relate so it kinda hit home as alot of poems do. keep it up :)

  • 17 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Pretty good but i think u have to check out what makes me distract to ur poems onyl u have to put stanza's but though still nice work.. coz most important for me is the message and the flow.. so nice job

  • 17 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    Pretty good but i think u have to check out what makes me distract to ur poems onyl u have to put stanza's but though still nice work.. coz most important for me is the message and the flow.. so nice job

  • 17 years ago

    by Startle Me

    It feels a little bit out of balance.
    I like it, the story you put into it
    I like it
    But the flow seems kind of rocky.
    Other than that
    It's pretty good
    4/5?

Read All Comments (6)

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